Uphill.

I am not going to say that my life is hard; however some things happened in January that caused me to re-evaluate life on a daily basis, the directions I am going in, and how I deal with things.

On January 14th my dentist extracted my wisdom teeth. I have been avoiding this for years - but it came to a point where they needed to come out. I was nervous but my dentist seemed to think that it was not going to be bad. He was wrong - at least from my perspective. Because of a complication with my lower tooth he needed to saw out a piece of my jaw bone. To make it worse, I was not put under or out at all. I was fully awake and conscious for the whole thing.

I thought that I would be able to recover over the weekend and be back to work Monday. As it tuns out I was in pain all week, under the influence of loads of medication, and could not go to work. Being stuck inside alone all of that time made me crazy.

The next week was my birthday. I got food poisoning from my birthday dinner. I still had a wonderful birthday to spite this. I am really grateful for wonderful family and friends.

Around this same time frame I had been contacted by a guy from my past. After talking to him and meeting him for lunch I was really exited. I really wanted to see where things went with him - friendship, relationship - either really. He has the same level of ambition that I do, also he is interested in history. I think that he could have understood my crazy drive and work ethic. His other interests are so different from mine too. I felt that I could learn from him. Well, as it turns out he wants nothing to do with me. It is really hard because I don't think that I did anything wrong, and I had been exited about a new old friend. The experience has left me feeling that there is something missing in my life. Not a relationship - but a new kind of something or someone.

All of this inspired me to take up cross country skiing. I already had some skis that my Dad bought for me hundreds of years ago. I started small; around my apartment complex during the big snow. After that I was going to Mathai Botanical Gardens nearly every day and doing a little two mile trail complete with up and down hills. It was hard at first and I fell a lot. I had bruises and scratches and my arms and legs were killing me - but I knew that I needed to fall and get up before I could get better.

This week I went with a couple of friends of mine that are experts on a 3.3 mile course. It was really hard and I was aching everywhere - but what a sense of accomplishment I had when I finished. I have done the same course every day since then and it has gotten easier. I went around the course twice yesterday. (6.6 miles!)

I love this sport. I love the challenge and the freedom. I love to get going so fast that I almost feel out of control. I think that the confidence that I have gained from this will help me become more confident in other things. I CAN try new things; fall; get back up and fall in love.